jen's blog

Squirrels

I’m not sure if you realized this but there is a certain pecking order in the garden. It goes without saying that Garden Gnomes are the supreme beings. There is no arguing that point. At the opposite end of the spectrum are the squirrels. People hate squirrels more than just about anything. The problem stems from the bird feeders that people insist on putting in their yards. Squirrels aren’t that bright, and they simply assume that you have put a squirrel feeder in your yard. They don’t understand why people shoot bbs at them, or put 2 liter bottles on the line, or buy those feeders that fling the squirrels off. The truly ironic thing is that the birds don’t mind sharing with the squirrels…they actually encourage it. (I’ll admit that part of the reason they encourage the squirrels is for the endless hours of entertainment that it provides for all of us) Well, today is the day to take those contraptions down. Spread the seed on the ground and give the squirrels a break. It is National Squirrel Appreciation Day. Have you appreciated a squirrel today?

Tomorrow is SUCH a Special Day!

mousedog Pictures, Images and Photos

I hope everyone is prepared to celebrate tomorrow, January 14th in a proper fashion. If not, I am posting a day early to give you the opportunity to not bungle this whole thing completely. I look forward to THIS day each and every year. Are you ready for this? It is Dress Up Your Pet Day AND Organize Your House Day. It’s BOTH. On the same day!

I am not sure which of these occasions tickles my funny bone more. On one hand, I get to see pets, specifically dogs walking up and down the street in ridiculous fashions. There is nothing funnier than seeing a Rottweiler or a Schnauzer dressed in an argyle sweater or a Poodle in a raincoat. You might think I am heartless to be so gleeful over the spectacle these animals make. Puh-lease. I have lost count of the number of times I have been peed on by dogs of all shapes and sizes. Therefore, I urge you to run to the nearest pet store so that you can buy something horribly embarrassing for your pet to wear tomorrow. I’ll be the gnome under the tree…laughing.

You are probably scratching your head trying to figure out why I care about Organize Your House Day. It is simple really. Gnomes are amazing organizers. Why do you think your shed always looks so nice? Have you ever considered letting us in on cold winter nights so that we don’t have to deal with icicles dripping off our noses? If you did let us inside, you would be amazed at how much organizing we would do in exchange for a little warmth. However, winter after winter we sit outside in the elements. Therefore, I guess you will need to go buy extra garbage bags, bins, and storage boxes and work all the live long day.

Happy Organizing everyone…but PLEASE make sure you leave enough time to dress your pet. I’ll be watching.

Happy Balloon Ascension Day

Rainbow Loon Pictures, Images and Photos

I am sending my greetings to you from approximately 575 feet as I float merrily along in a hijacked hot air balloon that looks like a rainbow. You might be wondering why I would risk life and limb on this January morning to soar high above the earth. It is really a no brainer. I am doing this to celebrate National Balloon Ascension Day. 219 years ago this French guy named Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first aerial voyage in America. It was a pretty big deal, and believe me…I know… because I’m a pretty big deal myself. George Washington was even there to witness the ascent.

Of course, like Jean Pierre I didn’t bother to think about how I am going to get back to where I ascended from and the wind is pretty gusty today. Do me a favor please? If you see a rainbow hot air balloon abandoned in a field somewhere, hanging on a telephone wire, or even on your own roof will you please rescue me and put me in a nice shady part of your yard? I will bring you good luck for many years. You know, until I decide to borrow your car to celebrate Henry Ford’s birthday.

Something to Ponder!

I have a question for you. This question has stumped educated people for many a year. They have thought and pondered, pondered and thought and finally they gave up…each and every one of them. So, here is your chance to give it some thought and do some pondering of your own.

What is the difference between a garden gnome and an elf?

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